1. The young boy was very angry and he had gust uleashed a waterfall of tears he had cherry red cheks when he heard his cat had gotten ran over. the boy weant to find how killed his cat and then he found the person how killed his cat and toled the peson that he should go to gail and should never come out of gail.
2. The worst player on the westbank baseball team was so happy when he struke the last batter outon the final game for the baseball cup. the last batter was the best batter on the team. the peaple on the team was so angly at the batter becuse he mist the pich the batter gronded the batter becuse he was the coaches kid and all the team was very mad and kiked the batter off the team all of the player on the other team was so happy his team was so happy they doged pile on him.
3. The old man was tearafide when he heard the smoke alarm go off his face went beat red and amost had a hartatake he ran as fast as he could up the stares and grabed his cat then ran down the starise and went to his room and grabed a picher of his wife and then ran down the hall way and out his door and skreemed then he ran to his nabers and opended the door and grabed the phone called 911. then he toold the peaple what hapend. then the fire fiters put out the fire. Hegot a new house.
4. the baby was so angy that her face went cherry red then it went vilot purple when her older brother took her barbie. the barbie had a yellow shirt on with blue geens on its feet it had two glass shoes. the little girl was so mad she screemed at her top of her lunges. the boy ran out the door and down the stares then out the door.
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very descriptive
ReplyDeleteI liked how you said in the first one that the boy was crying his head off and a waterfall of tears coming from his eyes.
ReplyDeletecolor full writing (descriptive) LoL
ReplyDelete"unleashed a waterfall of tears". Great description and depiction of emotions. It does tend to jump around sometimes. Try to have it flow together a little smoother.
ReplyDeleteFor example, The young boy with cherry cheeks uleashed a waterfall of tears when he heard his cat had gotten ran over. Overwhelmed, the boy staggered onto the stree in an attempt to find who killed his cat.
Okay, I know I overdid it, but hopefully this can help.
good writing ;)
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